The Great Bass Mystery

I came home late tonight from the Three Penny Opera to find an upright bass in a white case standing next to my front door. Of course, I was a little surprised by this and asked it what it was doing next to my door… no answer. I went inside my apartment: bass… Mark in #4R plays bass… Mark popped over to ask if I could let his friend inside his apartment next week to pick up a bass… hmmm… but Mark left for Canada this morning.

Did Mark leave his bass for me to keep for his friend?? There was no note on it. I looked for clues… there was a Delta sky miles card attached to it, but no name. I tried to move it, but it was too heavy (and about the size of a refridgerator!). I thought maybe I should open it and see what was inside – but it was locked. I freaked out: what if there was a dead body in there?!?

I quickly ran back into my apartment and panicked. Then I made myself a drink. “There is a bass sitting outside of my door and I don’t know what it wants”, I mumbled. Then I thought of Dan. Dan in #5F… maybe he knows, maybe musicians talk to each other and share musician ideas. I crept upstairs… and it was a little quiet. Too quiet. I didn’t want to knock on his door at midnight.

I went back inside and had a think: what if this wasn’t Mark’s bass? what if it was Dan’s friend’s bass and I dragged it into our apartment and then they went to retrieve it and thought someone stole it! what if a dead body WAS INSIDE? what if I left it out there, Mark wanted me to bring it inside, and it got stolen? then I’d be responsible for his stolen bass! I called Geoff.

First he thought I meant a bass like a fish. He was confused and it was late (who knows how much he’d been drinking) – then he accused me of drinking! I finally explained the situation (it took him a good long while to believe me on this one). He was like, ‘tip it on it’s side and roll it indoors.” But I kept telling him I didn’t know for sure that this was Mark’s and I was suppose to take it inside and ALSO I couldn’t move the thing if I tried, it was the size of about 5 Michelles.

I heard a ka-bang of an outside door. I rushed to the hallway to see who was there. No one. Then, all of a sudden, Dan from #5F rounded the corner from emptying his garbage. I looked at him with big brown eyes:”DUDE!” I said. His eyes got big too: “WHAT?” and I said ‘do you know who’s bass this is?” and he goes, “yeah, it’s Mark’s.” (see? musicians always know the skinny). And I said, “WHY IS IT OUTSIDE MY DOOR?” and he goes, “because he’s taking it to Vancouver tomorrow morning.” And then, like a bright flash of a giant light bulb going on above my head, I got a big grin on my face. *Tomorrow?? He leaves tomorrow!!!*

Let me tell you – Dan thinks I’m a total freak now. But at least the great bass mystery is solved. And I’m sure Mark is very, very thankful that I did not attempt to drag his whale of a bass inside my apartment, only to appear tomorrow morning – bright an early – and find that his bass had gone missing. I can’t imagine that one appreciates a pang of shock like that before a pending journey to the airport. And I would have been fast asleep, having pleasant dreams and patting myself on the back for hauling that boat inside my home and saving it from any future harm.