The Great Bass Mystery

I came home late tonight from the Three Penny Opera to find an upright bass in a white case standing next to my front door. Of course, I was a little surprised by this and asked it what it was doing next to my door… no answer. I went inside my apartment: bass… Mark in #4R plays bass… Mark popped over to ask if I could let his friend inside his apartment next week to pick up a bass… hmmm… but Mark left for Canada this morning.

Did Mark leave his bass for me to keep for his friend?? There was no note on it. I looked for clues… there was a Delta sky miles card attached to it, but no name. I tried to move it, but it was too heavy (and about the size of a refridgerator!). I thought maybe I should open it and see what was inside – but it was locked. I freaked out: what if there was a dead body in there?!?

I quickly ran back into my apartment and panicked. Then I made myself a drink. “There is a bass sitting outside of my door and I don’t know what it wants”, I mumbled. Then I thought of Dan. Dan in #5F… maybe he knows, maybe musicians talk to each other and share musician ideas. I crept upstairs… and it was a little quiet. Too quiet. I didn’t want to knock on his door at midnight.

I went back inside and had a think: what if this wasn’t Mark’s bass? what if it was Dan’s friend’s bass and I dragged it into our apartment and then they went to retrieve it and thought someone stole it! what if a dead body WAS INSIDE? what if I left it out there, Mark wanted me to bring it inside, and it got stolen? then I’d be responsible for his stolen bass! I called Geoff.

First he thought I meant a bass like a fish. He was confused and it was late (who knows how much he’d been drinking) – then he accused me of drinking! I finally explained the situation (it took him a good long while to believe me on this one). He was like, ‘tip it on it’s side and roll it indoors.” But I kept telling him I didn’t know for sure that this was Mark’s and I was suppose to take it inside and ALSO I couldn’t move the thing if I tried, it was the size of about 5 Michelles.

I heard a ka-bang of an outside door. I rushed to the hallway to see who was there. No one. Then, all of a sudden, Dan from #5F rounded the corner from emptying his garbage. I looked at him with big brown eyes:”DUDE!” I said. His eyes got big too: “WHAT?” and I said ‘do you know who’s bass this is?” and he goes, “yeah, it’s Mark’s.” (see? musicians always know the skinny). And I said, “WHY IS IT OUTSIDE MY DOOR?” and he goes, “because he’s taking it to Vancouver tomorrow morning.” And then, like a bright flash of a giant light bulb going on above my head, I got a big grin on my face. *Tomorrow?? He leaves tomorrow!!!*

Let me tell you – Dan thinks I’m a total freak now. But at least the great bass mystery is solved. And I’m sure Mark is very, very thankful that I did not attempt to drag his whale of a bass inside my apartment, only to appear tomorrow morning – bright an early – and find that his bass had gone missing. I can’t imagine that one appreciates a pang of shock like that before a pending journey to the airport. And I would have been fast asleep, having pleasant dreams and patting myself on the back for hauling that boat inside my home and saving it from any future harm.

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Garden Monkeys

What do garden monkeys think about all day long? Chasing squirrels!

Once there was a garden monkey who watered the flowers in a very

special garden. He was carefully tending to the beautiful flowers,

when all of a sudden, whoosh! Down fell lots of leaves from a tree as

it’s trunk shook… and with a flash a squirrel zipped up the branches

and then stopped immediately to eat a nut while peering down at the

garden monkey. The garden monkey was caught in the squirrel’s spell.

He sat stunned next to the flowers. He imagined a great big elephant

who would lift him up high into the tree so he could chase that

squirrel! The garden monkey closed his eyes tight and wished very

hard. Suddenly the hose began to wiggle. It slid out of the garden

monkey’s hands like a snake, but he didn’t notice because all he could

think about was chasing the squirrel. The hose moved around magically

on the ground until it carefully rose up above the flowers – and then

as high as the tree. It had formed into a very large elephant, trunk

and all! The garden monkey opened his eyes and to his delight, there

stood a magical elephant! The garden monkey grabbed on to it’s tail

and began to climb up the elephant. The squirrel was confused, he had

never seen a hose turn into an elephant before. He sat stunned, caught

in the elephant’s spell. The garden monkey quickly crawled up the

elephant’s trunk which lifted him up to the tree – and kerplunk!

Leaves flew everywhere, branches shook while a major squeal was heard

throughout the neighborhood. The garden monkey emerged, slid down the

hose and continued on watering the flowers – but this time with a

furry tail sticking out of his pocket!


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